They "Why" of my life.

SO, living in Salt Lake is Great! I love it here. I love the mountains, I love the fact that I can go running in the park (memory grove), I love that there is an awesome mall less than a block away.  I love that it is diverse...well more diverse than Morgan Utah, where Shane and I both grew up.  However, one of my favorite things is the Temple.  My parents and grandparents were married in the Salt Lake Temple, I was also married there, and after the wedding we walked home to our apartment where we have now lived for almost 2 years now.
 However, there is one thing that I am ashamed of, I study music at the University of Utah (that's not what I am ashamed of) But at the University I am surrounded by people who have very diverse pasts, and very liberal views.  When I came home from the mission I quickly realized that being a Mormon in Salt Lake was an extremely taboo subject.  Everyone already assumed they knew who I really was based on my beliefs (or at least that is how I felt).  I can't judge them in turn saying that they were judgmental...that would be completely inefficient and contrary to what I am trying to express in this blog. However, what happened was that I became ashamed of who I was.  I was terrified that people would judge me because I was Mormon...I wanted to be accepted and I wanted to accept and love those around me...so I hid myself from the world that I lived in.  I hid my testimony (really there is no point in having one if you constantly hide it).  Looking back on this I am ashamed that I would be so ready to assume the worst of those around me. So I wanted to write this blog and express exactly why I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, why I practice my beliefs and why I am Mormon.
First I believe there is a reason for families.  Families are not just some random concept that comes from no where and ends when we die.  If this were the case then why would we try to build relationships with people?  If we are just going to die and end up miserable and alone why on earth would we have a family? It HURTS to lose someone...I don't want that kind of pain unless it is worth something in the end...unless I have developed that relationship for a reason.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches that our Families are FOREVER...not just for this life.  I lost my sister, my nice and my cousin all to cancer.  Anne my sister had Melanoma (stage 4) she died at age 33.  Sarah, my niece had Leukemia, she died age 3. Natalie my cousin had childhood sarcoma, she died age 22.  All of them were taken from me and for a while I believed that everyone I loved would disappear or die and I would end up all alone.  But eventually I came to understand that what my church really teaches is that life does not end with death...but rather we progress onto another stage of our lives, but we do not do so alone...we have our families.  That is the one thing that will be constant always is that I have my family. They are everything to me.
Second, I believe in  mistakes!  I believe that we are all human and prone to idiocy...we do stupid things and we learn from our mistakes.  Sometimes the lessons are really hard, and sometimes we don't know what the lesson has taught us until years later.  However, the one thing I know is that I have made some really dumb mistakes in my life, things that I have regretted.  I have felt pain for those mistakes....I have been ashamed and embarrassed.  But one thing I have also learned is that Jesus Christ didn't go to the Garden of Gethsemane for nothing.  He went there cause he knew we'd make mistakes, and he knew that our souls would hurt because of the mistakes we have made.  So he gave us a way to be forgiven.  Now you may ask, as I did, why do we need to be forgiven?  That is simple, because we in our souls way deep down, we know that we are hurting ourselves.  And we know that there has to be something greater than this life. why would we keep on living if all we had to look forward to was an expensive mortgage, bills that never end, health problems, old age and eventually death?  If I were looking at it that way...I wouldn't want to keep on living.  But I know for myself that there is something more...and I gotta do the best I can here in this life or i'm gonna regret it.  Make good...and pay it forward. I like to think of the story from the Bible when Peter walks on the water.  Now from the story...Jesus beckons him to come to him on the water, and Peter gets out of the boat and he doesn't make it very far. Peter took a few steps and and quickly his doubt overcame him and he fell into the waves.  But Jesus didn't just say, "well you doubted, so now i'm gonna let you drown a little so you learn your lesson." NOOOOO he didn't say that at all! He immediately went to his friend and pulled him up out of the water and then He asked Peter why he had doubted.  If we do make mistakes all we have to do is show a little faith and turn to our Savior and he'll pull us out of what ever Hell we have created for ourselves and he will take us back.  He loves us.
Now, I'm pretty sure no one really reads my blog, but whatever.  I really wrote this for myself.  I needed to finally accept who I am and stop trying to hide it.  I fully believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ...there is not one thing that can take that knowledge from me. No matter of anti-Mormon literature...or money or even people telling me that I'm stupid for being so naive as to believe in something bigger than myself.   Why do I believe? Because I Choose to...is it an easy decision? No, it's really hard. But I know what I know and I can't hide myself anymore.  People will have to love me for who I am...and not who they want me to be. I in turn have to love myself for who I am...and not for anyone else.  Am i saying everyone in the world has to be Mormon? no, I am not saying that...diversity is what makes this life beautiful and interesting.  But I am saying the being Mormon isn't a bad thing.

  

Well, I was off for a year and a half of the greatest adventure of my life. It was the Hardest thing I had ever done, it was exhausting working day in and day out. however, it also was the best thing I had done with my life up to that point. The people I met, the experiences I had and the things that I learned about the atonement are absolutely irreplaceable. During that time Shane wrote to me about once every six weeks. At first the letters were trivial on both sides. However, about six months after I left Shane left to teach English in Korea. Maybe it was a special bond that we developed both being away from home, or maybe it was that I finally saw what kind of man he really was. It was a shocking realization, but I came to know how good he was, I learned many important lessons from his letters that helped me greatly in times of hardship. I was so grateful for him, and I finally admitted to him in a letter that I had fallen in love with him. I was happy to know from his reply letter that he was in love with me too. I can't tell you how happy I was. I knew by Christmas time that I wanted to marry him. But I couldn't tell my family...I was still a missionary! Our relationship only grew fro the last six months of my mission and then I was home.

So, everyone. I know that my blog has been stagnant for about 2 years. well it is my new goal to change all that and begin anew. So let me update you very briefly on the whirlwind that has taken place in my life in these past couple of years.

* I served a mission in Spain! it was one of the best things I could have ever done. I spent three months in the Canary Islands, 10 months in madrid, and 3 more months in the ward that meets by the Spain, Madrid Temple. and the rest of that time from the 18 months was spent in the MTC. I was doing the lords work for 18 months and it was absolutely amazing! there is nothing better....don't worry, i will later have more stories for you all

* Second I got home from my mission and transferred to the University of Utah, where I will finish my music degree.

* I Got a new Job working at the institute as a night secretary. what a lovely place to work!

* I fell in Love with Shane York and will be getting married this Saturday to him in the Salt Lake Temple. It has been a very fast three months of being back in the country! But he has waited for me for a very long time, and I'm so glad he did! More stories will follow shortly! I love you all!

WORST DATE!!!

Preparing for a mission can make one reminiscent. I have so many stories I would love to share with you all... however I kind of want to make this one fun. We are going to make it a battle of the stories! This story is my crowning glory in dating advice! I want to see if any of you can beat my bad date experience...because if you do you deserve a medal of honor!

It was the summer after I graduated high school, I was working in the Womens clothing department at Walmart! I was excited to have my own little sliver of independence and I was open to dating as many people as would ask me out! Back then I gave everyone a "chance." (oh if I only knew!) There were not many people working at Walmart who shared my same values so when I met Larry I thought it would be ok to become his friend. Larry worked in the big appliance section and I had seen him reading his scriptures in the break room. I thought, he looks like a nice man maybe I can talk to him. I personally believed that he was about 35 years old and that he would be a nice "older brother" figure for me as I sometimes worked the late shifts.

Well, we did become acquainted with each other and he asked me on a date, I asked him how old he was and he informed me that he was not 25 ( I was ten years off). Well, I thought about it, and me being the young naive girl that I was I accepted his offer for a date. However, it was the week before we were to go on the date and he called me after I had gotten off work to finalize things. we talked for a bit and then I told him I was tired and that I needed to get to bed. He being the "sweet" person that he was, offered to sing me to sleep...I promptly refused but he was persistent and so I felt in order to get him off the phone I would have to comply. Heaven help me, he sang for ten minutes straight making up the words and the tune as he went! I did my best to hold my riotous laughter in by halfway swallowing my pillow to my face. And when he was done I was careful not to make a sound so that he would believe I was asleep. He bid me goodnight and hung up the phone.....a scary realization was hitting me in that moment...I had a date with him.

The night of the date came and I was to meet him in the Walmart parking lot. (after the fiasco a few nights earlier I didn't want him to know where I lived) when he arrived he was wearing the same hawaiian shirt that Dad sometimes wears to family barbecues. I thought this was a wonderful start to the date...It was approximately six o'clock. He took me miniature golfing, it was nice because we didn't have to be in too close of proximity to each other. And I was armed with a steel putter in case things got shifty. Miniature golf lasted 20 mins... and then they took my club away. we got back into the car and he informed me that he had a surprise for me. I froze as he began to reach....luckily into the back seat (whew!!!) He pulled out a volume of poetry the size of an Oxford dictionary and said " I know that you like poetry, why don't you have a look at this", "GREAT!!!" I thought, "Now I don't have to carry on a conversation!" I read intently for about ten minutes when he pulled into the parking lot of the D.I. He looked at me and said, "for this next part we can either stay in the car or we can go outside." My mind raced and I said, "lets go outside it's a really pretty night." (and it was right next to a busy road, that way, if he tried anything there would be cars full of eye witnesses! )

I got out and I sat on the grass (outside the D.I) and he began to rummage through his trunk and when he surfaced he was carrying a 3 ring binder with loose papers threatening to fall out of it. He sat next to me and said "I have one very special surprise for you tonight"....I could not imagine what. He opened the binder and inside was every poem he had written in high school. He began to read one to me...it was super sappy and was obviously a love poem dealing with a lot of physical touch and remembering the persons scent. when he was done he asked who I thought he had written it for. I remained stoic and naive as he told me solemnly that he had written it for his grandmother. most of the other poems were religious, and not to bad. But then the "big one" came out as he pulled out a poem written for both a man and a woman. He asked If I would like to read it together...and opted not to and was thankful afterward as the poem consisted of these two people confessing their deep love for each other.

After that he and I agreed that it was late and that we should probably call it a night, it was by this time 8:00. He drove me back to my car and tried to strike up a meaningful conversation by asking me all sorts of questions. then he informed me that it was my turn to ask him a question... I in all my 18 yr old stupidity asked the question..."what is something you normally wouldn't say on a first date?" he replied that he had been put into a hospital, and I said that it wasn't that bad..people go to the hospital all the time right?....he looked at me again and his voice got deeper and he replied "not that kind of hospital"

I realize that this whole situation arose from my own stupidity. and I realize that this guy really was doing the best he could with what he had. And I'm sure he is a really good person. He just didn't know quite how to plan a date and I was too young and too stupid. Hopefully I have grown up a little since then. but the experience taught me that i need to be more cautious.

This is advice to all women! Don't say yes to any Kenmore guy who stares at you through the Maytags! and don't ever ask the question "What don't you normally tell someone on a first date?"........ trust me you are not going to like the answer!

So, as you all know, last friday I got to play back up to David Archuleta. How did this happen you might ask? Well this is what happened, earlier in the week my friend heather came and told me her secret. She had gotten a "gig" as we musicians call them, but she was hesitant to tell me what it was. Finally I cracked her and she told me all about the David Archuleta concert. I had known about it for a while as all of my roommates had gotten tickets except for me. I never watched him on American Idol and I didn't really care...who needs another pop star anyway right?

However, on friday morning I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Two violinists (Both dudes) had dropped out of the orchestra and Sarah (the girl putting it together) was having a panic attack right in front of my work desk. then as if in slow motion her head turned to acknowledge me sitting at my computer. She came up and asked me If I was feeling like a confident violinist at the moment. (I told her YES of course) and then she asked me to play with them that night. Heather was right there and both of us got far to excited! I promised I would never be one of "those" girls... ya know...a "groupie." Well I skipped the rest of my classes to rehearse. My professors didn't mind, they were just as excited as I was.

This was my first POP concert EVER and the best part about it was I was getting paid to go and I was in it!

I was so sure that they were going to have him sing to a track and just have him mostly lip sync...but NO! He doesn't do that! he has such a good voice and he is very kind and loves his family a ton! I know cause I saw how he reacted when they came up to him after the concert. So If you buy the His new Christmas Album...all the orchestral parts in the background...those are me. Well, at least at the concert they were me. yup so thats that....It was fun...Ya jealous?

You have all been to one of those restaurants where you walk in and you know that somehow, inside that place your life might change for good. Well I had one of those experiences the other night. Ben had so kindly looked up an authentic spanish restaurant for us to go to! so about five thirty we packed up the kids and headed out. this was my first taste of maryland traffic...I was very slow going. However, we finally found the place...but, there was a sign on the front door. Diana got out into the rain to read the sign, only to find out that the only day the restaurant was closed was on mondays...Lucky us, it was monday! So we headed off to find another place to eat. We ended up at a little place in called "Roys Place." We walked in out of the rain and were quickly shown to our seats because, we were the only ones in the place...unless you count the busboy and his friends.

We opened up our menu's and proceeded reading off the names of all the sandwiches. Some of the names however, were less than reputable like, "mothers distress", or maybe "delilah the obscene!" Finally after scanning the 200 choices of sandwiches, half of which included "tongue" in them we came to our decisions!

It didn't take long for our food to get there, after all we were the only customers at the time. the sandwiches were huge, held together with toothpicks that could be replaced as jousting spears! I bit into my sandwich and wasn't all to bad.

I was about halfway through with my sandwich when I unfortunately looked up. Above me upon the wall there was the biggest, harriest moose you could ever imagine. It's nostrils were flared as if it was about to charge right through the wall onto our table. It's eyes were big and glassy looking at the scene before it with scrutinizing eyes! But last of all I noticed a thick band of moldy looking duct tape wrapped around the muzzle of the enormous bull moose. Upon closer examination I realized the purpose for the bad of tape... The jaws of the moose had been compromised and had at one point fallen of the original head...yes thats right! The JAW had been lagging and walloping so fervently that it had at one point fallen off, no doubt onto the very table we were sitting at!

Sheepishly I looked down at my stomach and my mind flashed violently back to images of reading that menu and seeing the word "TONGUE" printed all over the pages of riskay sandwiches! I knew for a fact that I could not finish the last half of my sandwich...and as we heard the train barrel past the restaurant outside I knew I would never forget this experience. I don't regret eating at this restaurant one bit...when we left I was laughing hysterically and Bella and Lucy must have thought that I was absolutely insane. Diana got mad at me for laughing, but she was laughing as well. It was an experience to be remebered!

My trip to Washington D.C was incredible! It was my first time flying alone and it made me feel very "independent." As I walked off the plane I was so excited to see Diana, Bellie and Lu! We had an absolutely marvelous time. Diana and I went to the temple that same night, and I have to say that the washington D.C. temple is by the most beautiful temple I have been in so far. If any of you have driven past it on the freeway you can understand why...one minute you are driving on this windy road surrounded by trees, then the next moment you are blinded by sheer heavenly light issuing from the most glorious building!

On monday after Bella got home from school we decided to have a party. This party consisted of hot chocolate and the Tinkerbell movie! We had a grand ol' time there watching Tink save pixie hollow from missing spring! Then that night Ben and Diana took me to dinner (see following post) and Diana and I went to go see "New Moon." I love my family so much! they love me even though they know how weird I am and Vice versa! We have a really weird family! however...we all are quite a bit alike...even if we don't realize or admit it. I had so much fun with diana as she showed me her home! I wouldn't trade any experience for the world. Especially this next one..................... :)