What Peter Jackson taught me about my depression.

Depression is a very common disease that many people suffer from.  Some may not think it is an actual disease.  Nevertheless, many are dealing with it every day.

 

I was about 20 years old when I realized that I had tendencies to be depressed.  I didn’t want to face the facts of it because I outwardly believed that people who claimed to have depression were whiny. They were obviously people who didn’t know how to take charge of their own lives.  I believed this for quite some time, even though I was secretly dealing with a mild depression myself.

When I got married I started realized that my suppressed emotions might get me into trouble.  I had a bad reaction to a generic birth control pill that caused me to have severe anxiety attacks.  Imagine my husband’s surprise when three months into our marriage he thought he had literally married an insane woman.  I was not ever able to see the good that was around me, but I also couldn’t really see the light of day…literally. It was as if my mind was shrouded in a dark cloth.  After three months I switched medications and things seemed to be doing better.

A few years later my husband and I decided to have a baby.  HOLY COW, it was such an exciting time, despite the horror of being pregnant. We loved our little bundle so much.  However, it was only a few weeks after our son was born that I began to realize again that something was not quite right.  This was an exciting time, I should be feeling happy. My Son was literally the best, most chill baby on earth. So why did I feel like I wanted to be anywhere but where I was?  This time, the depression took hold of me to such an extent that not only could I not see the light of day, but I could not even feel the warmth of the summer months.

I fought and fought not knowing what was wrong with me.  Despite my best efforts, another persona slowly crept into my mind. This person told me horrible things, things of sadness.  It warned me of perils that would certainly befall me should I leave my front step.  It told me what the world truly thought of me.  And soon enough I was living in a state of constant fear, I rarely even left my bedroom. It even got to the point where my husband was scared to leave me to go to work in the morning.

Now, Flash forward to last night when I was lucky enough to be watching the extended version of “Lord of the Rings.” (If you haven’t watched the extended version…you should).  Well it got to that scene…you know the one, where Sméagol and Gollum are conversing back and forth inside this poor pitiful creatures head.  Sméagol tells Gollum to “Go away and never come back!”  Gollum eventually does leave, but in a later scene when Sméagol feels betrayed Gollum returns and takes full control.

"Go Away and Never Come Back."

Unfortunately these few scenes from the movie took me back to that awful time when I was fighting a sneaky voice inside my own head. I am lucky that I have been able to recover for the most part.  However, there are times that I catch that awful voice creeping back into my own thoughts.  It usually happens when I am stressed and I stop taking care of my body.  But I thought of how the Ring had affected Sméagol to become such an awful creature, It all depends on what we let into our head.

If my mind becomes idle, I become bored and then I choose to watch television or spend most of my time on the computer. When my mind is thoroughly unstimulated, that sneaky voice can creep back into my mind and allow fear to take over. Just like when Sméagol thought his alter ego had left forever, he let down his guard, fear overtook him, and Gollum returned. I can never let myself become complacent and think that my depression is gone. When I do, I let down my guard and I am surprised by the attack of the fear that overcomes me.

How do I counter this?  I don’t like taking drugs to suppress my emotions…I don’t think I should manipulate my mind or my body that way.   What I do instead is I keep my mind stimulated with good information. Information that helps me improve myself every day.  Here are some of the things I do…

Read a book. This helps me maintain a positive outlook, I usually read books that help me with my business. Like: “Think and Grow Rich”-Napolean Hill, “The Richest Man in Babylon”- George S. Clason, “Nurtured By Love”-Schinichi Suzuki, “Rich Dad Poor Dad” –Robert Kiyosaki.  These are just a few I have read recently.  Although these book may focus on financial success, their message is consistent, they continually talk about keeping a positive mindset. Although I LOVE classic literature, I don’t choose to read it when I am already feeling sad, mainly because I know once of the characters is going to die and I will be even more depressed.

Practice my violin. I am a violin teacher, so this is very important for me to do.  Playing any instrument challenges your brain and helps you to problem solve.  It also gives you a sense of great accomplishment when you do solve the problem you are working on.

Try something new! Whether it is a new type of food or a new skill. Trying something new will always add interest to your life. It throws you out of your comfort zone and I believe it keeps you young too!

This was one thing I tried that I wish I hadn't...but the experience made a great story

TALK TO PEOPLE! There is nothing more depressing than going an entire day without talking to someone.  Now, I am not a super social person, in fact, some might say my social skills need work. However, I have found that if I make an effort to talk to someone that I love every day, someone that I don’t always get the chance to see in person, my day is much happier. This is because I am not focused on myself!  Also, meeting new people is one of the most amazing things you can do. My life has been graced with so many interesting and lovely people who, if I had remained in my social box I would never have gotten the opportunity to meet.

Play with my little boy. Right now he is an only child and he needs friends too.  Also, life is too boring to be a grown up all the time. Sometimes the best therapy for me is to get down on my hands and knees and pretend to be a bear so that my little kiddo can run away and giggle.

Act Silly.  Sometimes laughter is the best way to scare away the doldrums.  Don’t mind what people think, if you need to laugh…do it out loud! Acting silly is sometimes a good way to let go of stress and worry.

Take Care of my Body. If I eat crap and my body feels sick…my mind will too. Also, exercise…not to lose weight but to challenge yourself to do hard things, and endorphins. “Endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” –Elle Woods (Legally Blonde). J

All of these things are things that will help you to live in the moment.  Live life, if by chance you do die tomorrow, make sure you are happy when you go!  I have tried it the other way and it isn’t worth it.

I am by no means telling people to get off of their depression meds.  You have to do what is right for you, be careful!  I am only sharing what I have found that helps me.