Depression is a very common disease that many people suffer
from. Some may not think it is an actual
disease. Nevertheless, many are dealing
with it every day.
I was about 20 years old when I realized that I had
tendencies to be depressed. I didn’t
want to face the facts of it because I outwardly believed that people who
claimed to have depression were whiny. They were obviously people who didn’t
know how to take charge of their own lives.
I believed this for quite some time, even though I was secretly dealing
with a mild depression myself.
When I got married I started realized that my suppressed
emotions might get me into trouble. I
had a bad reaction to a generic birth control pill that caused me to have
severe anxiety attacks. Imagine my
husband’s surprise when three months into our marriage he thought he had
literally married an insane woman. I was
not ever able to see the good that was around me, but I also couldn’t really
see the light of day…literally. It was as if my mind was shrouded in a dark
cloth. After three months I switched
medications and things seemed to be doing better.
A few years later my husband and I decided to have a
baby. HOLY COW, it was such an exciting
time, despite the horror of being pregnant. We loved our little bundle so
much. However, it was only a few weeks
after our son was born that I began to realize again that something was not
quite right. This was an exciting time,
I should be feeling happy. My Son was literally the best, most chill baby on
earth. So why did I feel like I wanted to be anywhere but where I was? This time, the depression took hold of me to
such an extent that not only could I not see the light of day, but I could not even
feel the warmth of the summer months.
I fought and fought not knowing what was wrong with me. Despite my best efforts, another persona slowly
crept into my mind. This person told me horrible things, things of
sadness. It warned me of perils that
would certainly befall me should I leave my front step. It told me what the world truly thought of
me. And soon enough I was living in a
state of constant fear, I rarely even left my bedroom. It even got to the point
where my husband was scared to leave me to go to work in the morning.
Now, Flash forward to last night when I was lucky enough to
be watching the extended version of “Lord of the Rings.” (If you haven’t
watched the extended version…you should).
Well it got to that scene…you know the one, where Sméagol and Gollum are
conversing back and forth inside this poor pitiful creatures head. Sméagol tells Gollum to “Go away and never
come back!” Gollum eventually does
leave, but in a later scene when Sméagol feels betrayed Gollum returns and
takes full control.
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| "Go Away and Never Come Back." |
Unfortunately these few scenes from the movie took me back
to that awful time when I was fighting a sneaky voice inside my own head. I am
lucky that I have been able to recover for the most part. However, there are times that I catch that
awful voice creeping back into my own thoughts.
It usually happens when I am stressed and I stop taking care of my body. But I thought of how the Ring had affected
Sméagol to become such an awful creature, It all depends on what we let into
our head.
If my mind becomes idle, I become bored and then I choose to
watch television or spend most of my time on the computer. When my mind is
thoroughly unstimulated, that sneaky voice can creep back into my mind and allow
fear to take over. Just like when Sméagol thought his alter ego had left
forever, he let down his guard, fear overtook him, and Gollum returned. I can
never let myself become complacent and think that my depression is gone. When I
do, I let down my guard and I am surprised by the attack of the fear that
overcomes me.
How do I counter this?
I don’t like taking drugs to suppress my emotions…I don’t think I should
manipulate my mind or my body that way.
What I do instead is I keep my mind stimulated with good information.
Information that helps me improve myself every day. Here are some of the things I do…
Read a book. This
helps me maintain a positive outlook, I usually read books that help me with my
business. Like: “Think and Grow Rich”-Napolean Hill, “The Richest Man in Babylon”-
George S. Clason, “Nurtured By Love”-Schinichi Suzuki, “Rich Dad Poor Dad” –Robert
Kiyosaki. These are just a few I have
read recently. Although these book may
focus on financial success, their message is consistent, they continually talk about
keeping a positive mindset. Although I LOVE classic literature, I don’t choose
to read it when I am already feeling sad, mainly because I know once of the
characters is going to die and I will be even more depressed.
Practice my violin.
I am a violin teacher, so this is very important for me to do. Playing any instrument challenges your brain
and helps you to problem solve. It also
gives you a sense of great accomplishment when you do solve the problem you are
working on.
Try something new! Whether
it is a new type of food or a new skill. Trying something new will always add
interest to your life. It throws you out of your comfort zone and I believe it
keeps you young too!
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| This was one thing I tried that I wish I hadn't...but the experience made a great story |
TALK TO PEOPLE! There
is nothing more depressing than going an entire day without talking to
someone. Now, I am not a super social person,
in fact, some might say my social skills need work. However, I have found that
if I make an effort to talk to someone that I love every day, someone that I
don’t always get the chance to see in person, my day is much happier. This is
because I am not focused on myself!
Also, meeting new people is one of the most amazing things you can do.
My life has been graced with so many interesting and lovely people who, if I
had remained in my social box I would never have gotten the opportunity to
meet.
Play with my little
boy. Right now he is an only child and he needs friends too. Also, life is too boring to be a grown up all
the time. Sometimes the best therapy for me is to get down on my hands and knees
and pretend to be a bear so that my little kiddo can run away and giggle.
Act Silly. Sometimes laughter is the best way to scare
away the doldrums. Don’t mind what
people think, if you need to laugh…do it out loud! Acting silly is sometimes a
good way to let go of stress and worry.
Take Care of my Body.
If I eat crap and my body feels sick…my mind will too. Also, exercise…not
to lose weight but to challenge yourself to do hard things, and endorphins. “Endorphins
make you happy, and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” –Elle Woods
(Legally Blonde). J
All of these things are things that will help you to live in
the moment. Live life, if by chance you
do die tomorrow, make sure you are happy when you go! I have tried it the other way and it isn’t
worth it.
I am by no means telling people to get off of their
depression meds. You have to do what is
right for you, be careful! I am only
sharing what I have found that helps me.
