SO, living in Salt Lake is Great! I love it here. I love the mountains, I love the fact that I can go running in the park (memory grove), I love that there is an awesome mall less than a block away. I love that it is diverse...well more diverse than Morgan Utah, where Shane and I both grew up. However, one of my favorite things is the Temple. My parents and grandparents were married in the Salt Lake Temple, I was also married there, and after the wedding we walked home to our apartment where we have now lived for almost 2 years now.
However, there is one thing that I am ashamed of, I study music at the University of Utah (that's not what I am ashamed of) But at the University I am surrounded by people who have very diverse pasts, and very liberal views. When I came home from the mission I quickly realized that being a Mormon in Salt Lake was an extremely taboo subject. Everyone already assumed they knew who I really was based on my beliefs (or at least that is how I felt). I can't judge them in turn saying that they were judgmental...that would be completely inefficient and contrary to what I am trying to express in this blog. However, what happened was that I became ashamed of who I was. I was terrified that people would judge me because I was Mormon...I wanted to be accepted and I wanted to accept and love those around me...so I hid myself from the world that I lived in. I hid my testimony (really there is no point in having one if you constantly hide it). Looking back on this I am ashamed that I would be so ready to assume the worst of those around me. So I wanted to write this blog and express exactly why I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, why I practice my beliefs and why I am Mormon.
First I believe there is a reason for families. Families are not just some random concept that comes from no where and ends when we die. If this were the case then why would we try to build relationships with people? If we are just going to die and end up miserable and alone why on earth would we have a family? It HURTS to lose someone...I don't want that kind of pain unless it is worth something in the end...unless I have developed that relationship for a reason. The Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches that our Families are FOREVER...not just for this life. I lost my sister, my nice and my cousin all to cancer. Anne my sister had Melanoma (stage 4) she died at age 33. Sarah, my niece had Leukemia, she died age 3. Natalie my cousin had childhood sarcoma, she died age 22. All of them were taken from me and for a while I believed that everyone I loved would disappear or die and I would end up all alone. But eventually I came to understand that what my church really teaches is that life does not end with death...but rather we progress onto another stage of our lives, but we do not do so alone...we have our families. That is the one thing that will be constant always is that I have my family. They are everything to me.
Second, I believe in mistakes! I believe that we are all human and prone to idiocy...we do stupid things and we learn from our mistakes. Sometimes the lessons are really hard, and sometimes we don't know what the lesson has taught us until years later. However, the one thing I know is that I have made some really dumb mistakes in my life, things that I have regretted. I have felt pain for those mistakes....I have been ashamed and embarrassed. But one thing I have also learned is that Jesus Christ didn't go to the Garden of Gethsemane for nothing. He went there cause he knew we'd make mistakes, and he knew that our souls would hurt because of the mistakes we have made. So he gave us a way to be forgiven. Now you may ask, as I did, why do we need to be forgiven? That is simple, because we in our souls way deep down, we know that we are hurting ourselves. And we know that there has to be something greater than this life. why would we keep on living if all we had to look forward to was an expensive mortgage, bills that never end, health problems, old age and eventually death? If I were looking at it that way...I wouldn't want to keep on living. But I know for myself that there is something more...and I gotta do the best I can here in this life or i'm gonna regret it. Make good...and pay it forward. I like to think of the story from the Bible when Peter walks on the water. Now from the story...Jesus beckons him to come to him on the water, and Peter gets out of the boat and he doesn't make it very far. Peter took a few steps and and quickly his doubt overcame him and he fell into the waves. But Jesus didn't just say, "well you doubted, so now i'm gonna let you drown a little so you learn your lesson." NOOOOO he didn't say that at all! He immediately went to his friend and pulled him up out of the water and then He asked Peter why he had doubted. If we do make mistakes all we have to do is show a little faith and turn to our Savior and he'll pull us out of what ever Hell we have created for ourselves and he will take us back. He loves us.
Now, I'm pretty sure no one really reads my blog, but whatever. I really wrote this for myself. I needed to finally accept who I am and stop trying to hide it. I fully believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ...there is not one thing that can take that knowledge from me. No matter of anti-Mormon literature...or money or even people telling me that I'm stupid for being so naive as to believe in something bigger than myself. Why do I believe? Because I Choose to...is it an easy decision? No, it's really hard. But I know what I know and I can't hide myself anymore. People will have to love me for who I am...and not who they want me to be. I in turn have to love myself for who I am...and not for anyone else. Am i saying everyone in the world has to be Mormon? no, I am not saying that...diversity is what makes this life beautiful and interesting. But I am saying the being Mormon isn't a bad thing.
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